she waited
by Emmasnaillll
Summary: Captain America Au where Lily is Peggy Carter and James is Steve Rogers. When the plane crashed and it's aftermath. Lily's life without James. Sorta happy ending? James x Lily / Jily Rated t just to be safe!


**Au where Lily is Peggy carter and James is Steve Rogers. Sort of auish stuff that didn't happen in the marvel cinematic universe?**

"James, what on earth are you doing? We can work it out, Benjy can find a way to make the plane come down, come on, James, please," Lily whispered into the speaker, which was now giving out small crackles of static.

"You don't understand, Evans, it's gotta be me." James whispered back into the speaker, but he could barely hear Lily's voice, the roar of the plane was too loud.

"What do you mean 'it's gotta be me'? Damnit James, please don't be dramatic. James, we can work it out, please just turn the plane around." Lily said, her voice softly breaking. Fucking James always had a flair for dramatics.

"If I turn the plane around, a lot of people are going to die—"

"Benjy will find a way to solve it! I can go get Benjy now—"

" _Lily_."

Lily froze just as she was about to get up. James had never called her 'Lily' unless it was a serious matter.

"Lily, I have to do this. A lot of people are going to die if I turn the plane around. I have to crash it. There's no other way—"

"James Fleamont Potter," Lily hissed into the speaker, which was now having more louder bursts of crackles," Benjy can solve it. I just need to go get him. Give me a minute, okay?"

"There's not enough time, Lily. I need to tell you that I love you." James said softly into the speaker, his left hand fiddling with a locket that popped open with Lily's picture framed beautifully. James didn't hear her sharp intake of breath as he stared into the black-and-white picture. He could almost imagine her emerald green eyes and hazel hair if he closed his eyes. He probably didn't have a chance to see those ever again.

"I love you too, James. Just, please, listen to me. I just need to call Benjy right now, and you can come back, okay?" Lily said, her voice wobbling, a sign that she was about to cry. And something had to be very wrong for Lily Marie Evans to cry. She was staring blankly into the speaker, and was trying to think of a way to call Benjy without leaving the speaker station.

"Lily, I don't think I can make it for our dance. Can I get a rain check on that?"

Okay. If James was still talking to her, Lily could have time to run outside to yell for someone to get her Benjy. She just needed James to talk a bit longer.

"James, please don't do this," she pleaded brokenly.

"Lily. I have to. Can I please get a rain check?"

Lily took in a deep breath, and nodded. Though she didn't know why she nodded. James wasn't there to see it.

"Fine. I hate tacky people, but next Saturday, at the Golden Arena dance club, okay? I'll be waiting for you at 8pm. Be more then five minutes late, and I'm leaving. Got it?"

James laughed, though it sounded more like a feeble fake one through the speaker at Lily's side. "I guess I must be one heck of a lucky guy, then, to get a second chance," Lily could practically hear the sexy smirk that he was probably wearing on his face then. She couldn't continue on without an irrepressible smile.

"You are. Don't be late." Lily commanded, and she could see the exit for her to run to get Benjy. She just needed for James to keep talking.

"Got it, Lily. And Lily?" There was something final in his tone.

Lily startled from the open door that she was at, and quickly sped back to the station.

"Yeah, James?" she quietly said.

"I love you, Lily."

"I love you too, James."

There was a sharp squeak from the speaker, and then all Lily heard was static.

"James?"

Three days later, they still hadn't managed to find his body. So they pronounced him as dead. Since they hadn't found the body yet, Lily didn't believe it. Lily wouldn't believe it. When Commander Dumbledore had come over to debrief about the final mission, he had also brought over a list of the dead/presumed dead people, and had passed it around for everyone to see and express their condolences. Some of the names Lily had recognised, some she had heard of, and some she had been close to.

 _Agent Mary MacDonald (dead)_

Mary had been one of the first few friends Lily had made in the camp. They had drank together, laughed together, and suffered together. Now Lily would never hear her laughter ever again. Neither would she ever see her twinkling bright eyes. She would also never hear Mary drunk swear, nor would she ever hear Mary tease her about James. She hated them. She hated the death eaters. She hated Voldemort. Because of them, she lost two of the most important people in her life.

Lily felt a pang of sadness, and had to resist the tears from falling. Mary had planned so much for her future. Mary wanted to open and ice cream parlour after the war, and wanted to get hitched with her boyfriend, Ben. She had so much plans, and it was horrible that she wouldn't be able to live it. Lily took a deep breath to compose herself, and continued down the list. Her heartbeat was palpable, and she could hear it ringing in her ears.

 _Officer Fabian Prewett (dead)_

She wasn't close to Fabian, but she had liked him. He was only one of the few that respected her, in this gender-discriminating society. Other men scoffed at her position, while Fabian merely smiled and listened to her opinions.

Lily's eyes scanned down the rest of the list, pausing to mourn for a few others, when she came to a stop.

 _Sergeant Sirius Orion Black (presumed dead)_

She wasn't close to Sirius, but she had trained with him and the other Howling Commandos more then once. He may have had flirted with her constantly but she knew it was just in his play-boy nature, so she took no offence. She loved his dirty jokes, though she would deny it, and she loved his cocky smirk. She could tell where James had learnt his from. She had mourned along with James when she found out that Sirius had dropped into the ravine on the train mission, and she had cried when she saw how devastated James was. She didn't cry in front of him, but she cried when she was about to sleep that night. James' body had been enhanced by the super-soldier serum, and he couldn't get drunk. When she had found James grieving, he had already drunk three bottles of wine, and was slowly whispering," why can't I get drunk? Why? Why?" It had broke her heart, to hear his sobs.

Lily heard a cough, and she rearranged her fallen stance and continued to peer down the list. The list had been rearranged to show the order in which they died, she had noticed. She continued to look down on the list, and that's when she caught a glimpse of the last one.

 _Captain James Fleamont Potter (presumed dead)_

It just took one look at the list, and Lily shoved it back down onto the table.

"He's not dead," she whispered. But it wasn't a whisper, it was quiet, but loud at the same time.

The entire meeting had gone to a standstill, and everyone glanced at Lily in horrified silence.

Lily had stood up, and glared at every single one of them.

"James Fleamont Potter is not dead," she said loudly, enunciating every single syllable. She glared at all of them once more, and the glint in her eye was challenging anyone who dared to disagree with her.

"Lily," the commander said gently," he—"

"James is not dead!"

Lily had realised how loud and shrill she was, and fell silent again. Her eyes surveyed across the room once more, and she realised that no one was disagreeing with her not because they believed the same as she did, but because they pitied her.

"Lily," Remus Lupin, one of the Howling Commandos, had stood up. He went to Lily and gave her a soft pat on her back.

"Lily, James..James is gone. We can't find his body, but we found pieces of the plane wreckage. We searched through it, but James wasn't there. I'm...I'm sorry."

The sincerity in Remus' tone knocked some sense into Lily, who was stunned into silence.

Then, she took a deep breath, and collapsed back onto the chair. Her legs had given out on her, and she realised and was accepting the fact that James, her James Potter, was gone.

"Lily?" Marlene McKinnon had begun carefully. Marlene was Mary and Lily's close friend, and likewise, the three of them had trained together, suffered together, and drank together. Marlene had also stood up and joined Remus beside Lily, and had placed a comforting hand on Lily's shoulder, concerned at her silence.

That's when the crying begun.

Everyone in the meeting had _chills_ the moment they heard it, because they had never heard anything so heartbroken and devastated and defeated.

It occupied Lily's entire being, and she felt like she couldn't breathe. "Lily," she didn't hear Marlene softly murmur.

The sobs from Lily travelled outside of the meeting room into the halls. And nearly everyone could hear the loud, heartbroken cries.

Lily gasped and took in deeper breaths, and Marlene startled. "Lily, are you okay?"

She pushed Remus aside and wrapped her arms around Lily immediately.

Lily grabbed Marlene's coat, and just cried a little bit harder then before. She had the tears flowing steadily, and she was _begging_ for James to come back.

"Oh, Lily," Marlene sighed, as Lily cried it out.

The entire meeting room had watched on with pity evident on their faces. The commander had motioned them to be quiet, to let Lily cry it out, and thankfully they did.

Lily cried for a good total of ten minutes. She cried for Mary, she cried for Fabian, she cried for Sirius, she cried for James, she cried for everyone that had she knew that had died.

She could feel it everywhere, the grief, the sadness, everything plagued her mind.

The messy sex hair, the pretty hazel eyes, the sexy smirk and that contagious laugh, those handsome thighs, those horrible jokes of his, those stupid puns, (she thought they were funny, but she always denied it. Now she would never have a chance to admit it.) they were all gone. He was gone.

"Lily, it's all going to be okay," Marlene had cooed, but she was honestly on the verge of tears as well. Lily had never cried, she was always strong willed and unwilling to back down, not even when rude misogynists called her names, not even when she was hurt (and it was really horrible, twisted bones and a really bad wound). To see Lily cry, her sobbing so hard that her entire body was shaking, her sobs so broken and hollow, it took everything in Marlene not to cry as well. Marlene's heart twinged with sadness as she watched Lily sob her heart out.

When Lily eventually stopped crying, she had pushed herself off Marlene, and settled into her chair with a stone cold face. Marlene had sat herself next to Lily, and the meeting returned to it was before it all happened.

The meeting had gone on, everyone was more cautious, everyone had treaded around carefully, and whenever James was mentioned, everyone had stilled and shot Lily a quick look, which she stared back with the same intensity, and they quickly looked away.

When the meeting ended, some lingered back to express their condolences, in which Lily replied blithely," he's not dead."

Remus and the other Howling Commandos (Frank Longbottom, Arthur Weasley, Terry Heaney and Dedalus Diggle) had remained too, and they had come forward with Marlene to crowd around Lily.

"Lily," Terry softly said, reaching for her, slowly, cautiously, when she flinched away.

"Damnit, guys! Stop treating me like I'm fragile! I'm not!"

Marlene jumped, and shared a look with Remus that Lily missed.

"Lily, maybe you should rest for a few days," Remus said, and Marlene nodded feverishly.

"Why?" Lily asked.

"I don't know, maybe—"

"Damnit, Marlene! I already said, I'm not fragile!"

Lily," Marlene said. She had seemed shocked that Lily would actually shout at her.

"Sorry," Lily whispered, mortified," I-I'm so sorry, I just..."

"Go rest, Lily. I'll call you if we need your help," Marlene's tone was final, and she nodded quickly at the Howling Commandos before guiding Lily back to the bunk they stayed in.

It was Saturday. Six days had gone by, and yet Benjy and the others didn't find a trace of where James would be. Everybody, had presumed that he was dead, that he wouldn't live after a drop like that, but Lily begged to differ. She was sure that James was still alive. She could feel it.

So Lily had dolled herself up, and dragged Marlene to the Golden Arena dance club. Marlene has protested, at first, but then she thought that maybe this was Lily's way of forgetting James. It wasn't very Lily-like, but it had to do. Lily had been grieving for the past six days, and Marlene's heart broke a little every time she saw her friend, a reminder that she was a hollowed shell as compared to before. So she didn't complain and hence went along.

When they reached the Golden Arena dance club, Marlene had been instantly whisked away to dance with a handsome guy, and even when Marlene tried to resist, Lily had insisted that it was fine and pushed Marlene along. Marlene didn't want to go, she wanted to accompany Lily, but the guy was really hot, and Lily had said she could, so she decided, why not?

Lily sat on the seats near the bar, and played with the hem of her emerald green dress. She had remembered that James had said that his favourite color on her was emerald green, so she had donned it on for hopes of surprising him when he turned up. If he turned up was a question hung in the air that she chose to ignore.

"Hey, gorgeous, fancy a drink?" Lily tilted her head to the side and glanced at a guy. His smirk was leering, and he seemed exactly like those type that wouldn't go away unless she made him.

"No, thank you, I'm fine," Lily raised the wine glass in her hand and showed it to the guy, who still didn't back down.

"Ah, c'mon, you know you want one," the guy slurred, his grin widening as he glanced up and down Lily's body.

Lily's danger senses were tingling, and her cautiousness was heightened when he reached for her.

"No, I'm fine," Lily said sharply, and edged away from the guy.

"C'mon, doll," the guy sneered, and then turned to the bartender," two Martinis!"

"One," Lily cutted in," one Martini. And it's for him."

"Just take it, doll," the guy said, and shuffled closer to her.

He then smirked slightly, and placed a hand on her thigh, in which she slapped away.

"Touch me one more time, and you'll regret it," Lily said under her breath, and shot daggers at the man.

Too bad he didn't take the hint, and instead chose to place his hand on her shoulders, and tried to slowly inch them downwards.

"Bad move," she said, and grabbed the man's hand, and slammed him down onto the floor.

"What's going on?" The manager had came over.

"He wouldn't leave me alone, and he touched me."

"What? Maybe it's because of how you dress?" The manager eyed her dress with disdainful eyes.

Lily felt fury coursing through her blood, and she glared at the manager.

"Because of my dress? Then if I kick you right now, it's because you're not wearing a cup around your small dick?" She spat out, and the manager looked taken aback.

"Handle him. Or I'm going to complain." She hissed, and the manager nodded quickly in fear.

"Sorry, ma'am. Yes ma'am." He said, and called for security to bring the drunk out.

Lily sighed, and glanced at her watch quickly. 7.59. One more minute. If James didn't come...

"Lily?"

Lily turned around excitedly, but stopped when she spotted Marlene.

"Marlene," she said," what's up?"

"Do you want to go now?"

Lily glanced at her watch, which now showed the time 8.01.

"Four more minutes," she murmured, glancing around, trying to stall for time.

"Who you waiting for, Lily?"

"James." Lily whispered, so soft that Marlene couldn't hear her.

"Who?"

Lily glanced at her watch, 8.05.

"James," she said again, and she realised, truly, that he was gone.

"Lily!"

"Yeah, Benjy?" Lily said absentmindedly, and placed the last file into the box and looked up. It had been two months. After the war, the men who were enlisted were allowed to go home, while the rest of the army officers had to pack up the camp and do the necessary filing and paperwork.

When Lily finally locked her gaze with Benjy Fenwick, she realised he was looking at her curiously.

"How do you know it was me before you looked up?"

"Because I'd recognise the annoying voice anywhere," she said, and when she heard a roar of outrage from Benjy she giggled.

"What is it, Benjy?" Lily steered the conversation back to the point. She didn't like beating around the bush, unless she was flirting, and she wouldn't be doing that for a long time.

"Commander is calling you," Benjy said from his workshop, and waved a spanner at the Commander's officer, which was behind him.

"Shit! Why didn't you say that earlier?" Lily quickly straightened her skirt, and strode towards the office quickly.

She knocked the door, and when she heard the affirmative voice going," come in." She twisted the handle and walked into the room quickly, shooting the commander a salute.

"Commander," Lily said, and Albus Dumbledore glanced up at her from his paperwork.

"Ah, Agent Evans," he said.

"Did you call me, Commander?" Lily asked, still standing stiffly.

"Yes, you could come take a seat, if you'd like," Dumbledore pointed to the chair directly in front of his desk, and shot her a warm smile.

"It's fine, Commander," Lily said, and continued to stand in the stiff position.

"I insist, Agent Evans, come take a seat," Dumbledore said, and Lily finally relented.

"Yes, Commander," she said, and plopped herself onto the seat.

"Okay, now that you're here, Agent Evans, I can pass you this," the commander handed her a file that had the word 'classified' stomped over it.

Lily eyed the file in apprehension. "What's this, Commander?"

"I believe you should look in it, Agent Evans. You can leave now."

"Yes, Commander," Lily nodded, and took the file and left the room, not before saluting the commander goodbye.

"What you working on, Benjy?" Lily asked, as she glanced at him working at the workshop.

Benjy looked up," I'm working on the new generator. Maybe, without doctor Flitwick's serum, maybe I would be able to recreate the super-soldier breed once more."

Pain tugged at Lily's heart, and she was reminded painfully of James once more.

"Good luck with that, Benjy," she said, and headed back to her work station, which was still full of paperwork to be filed.

Lily hadn't forgotten the confidential file in her hand, so once she settled into a chair and made sure no one was looking, she quickly opened the file.

Inside sat James' particulars, pictures of him before and after the serum, and two letters. Lily instantly knew what those letters was. Before they went on a mission, they always had to write letters to their loved ones, incase something happened to them.

With shaking fingers, Lily took out the two letters, and glanced at the label. To Sirius Orion Black. She then glanced at the other letter's label too. To Lily Marie Evans.

She slowly tore open the letter, afraid that she would tear the note by accident.

When she got the note out, the paper inside was worn, and the haze of a dirty war covered the barely white surface. But somehow, just barely, Lily swore, she could smell his scent, that was just so uniquely James, washing over her the moment she brought it closer to read. If she closed her eyes, she could almost fathom James again. His high cheekbones, his thick (and really, really black) windswept hair, his wonderful hazel eyes.

Lily hadn't read a single word, but the stupid tears were already starting to sting her lids, and they were threatening to fall on the paper that James had so carefully written to her. And she would hate herself if it did ruin the paper.

 _Hey, Evans :D,_

 _So it turns out that this war thing is not going so swell, and I know you warned me to be careful, but things happen, ya know? I guess this is karma, for not listening to you._

 _Alright, babe, let's get down to it. You know, that once you're reading this, it means I'm not coming back. And I know you already know this, because of your super smart brain, but I know you, so I have to say it before you can start to accept it, right?_

 _Believe me, Lily, I don't like this anymore then you do. I know I promised you that I'll be back by your side, safe, and I hate that I'm breaking the promise._

 _I had big plans, Lily, really grand ones. I can't stop thinking about you, your emerald eyes and your fiery red hair, you are a devious little minx, you know? Even in missions, my number one thought in my head is 'what gorgeous eyes Lily has'. Have you put a spell on me? Have you bewitched me? If you did enchant me, what a witch you are._

 _And these sort of thoughts really distract me from my job, so I thought, why not, let me write it down, and maybe then I could focus on this damn war, a stupid one started by that idiot Voldy Moldy._

 _And maybe if i focused on this war, I could get back to you. But as you can tell, it didn't go so well for me._

 _Can you do something for me, babe? You know Sirius? He didn't come from a really good family background, and he only ever had me after he ran away from his family. I know that now that I'm gone, it must be really horrible for him. Could you take care of him for me? Talk to him more, be his next James (just kidding, be yourself, I know no one can replace me. Not even my hot body from the serum). And no funny business, Lily Marie Evans! You never know, I might be watching you. Thank you, babe._

 _This is where it's going to get rough, Evans. I couldn't leave without telling you I love you one more last time, I couldn't leave without telling you that the moment I saw you as my trainer in camp, with your gorgeous eyes ablaze as you punched that jerk Mclaggen, I knew you were the one for me, and I've been in love with you ever since. I'm so, so sorry I can't be here for you, Evans, I'm so sorry I broke my word to you._

 _Making you happy while we were in this camp was all that ever mattered to me, and I can't believe that you actually chose me, tiny little jamesie, in all the other hot guys in this camp, to make you happy. Damn, now I can't even do it. You are my heart, and I hope that I'm still yours, but I need you to promise that you'll go on without me, alright?_

 _Alright, I asked Sirius to stay with you if something like this ever happens, not because I think you can't handle yourself, don't give me that look, Lily, but because I know Sirius can't do it. Remember to take care of him for me, okay? And I want you to find someone that can make you as happy as you made me, and who will love you as much as I have. I want you to have a life, Lily, stay strong._

 _Okay, Evans, I have to go now. Sirius is beside me and he's snoring like mad, and I need to sleep to get ready for the Mission to face Voldemort tomorrow._

 _Go for it, James. That's what you always said to me, right? Suppose I could give it a go, I'll do everything I can so you'll never read this, because just the thought of what this could do to you kills me. I need to come home to you._

 _Love you,_

 _James._

Lily hadn't realised that she had started crying, only when she felt a tap on her shoulder, and looked up to Benjy gazing at her concernedly.

"You okay?" he asked, his brows furrowing.

Lily nodded, and wiped the tears off her face furiously.

Then, she laughed. Of course, the only idiot to draw a smiley-face and call Voldemort 'Voldy Moldy' was James. Her idiot.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Benjy asked in alarm, shocked at the change of her mood.

Lily laughed, and then she was reminded of the words 'stay strong', and she instantly stood up straighter.

"Yes, I am." she said firmly, and continued on with her work, not before softly stowing the letter back into the confidential file and gently placing the file in her bag.

Lily _was_ happy.

She had helped Benjy built up the S.S.R into SHIELD, and had also went on various missions to kill the members of the death eaters still surviving. She had found a husband that understood her relationship with James, and had still loved her unconditionally. He was considerate and caring, and Lily was happy enough with him and had three children.

Lily _had_ lived a long life.

She lived in Brooklyn, because that was where James hailed from, and her husband had died a few years back, and her three children all were living a successful life, they all had spouses and little children.

Marlene had left her a while ago. She died of natural causes, in her sleep. Marlene had worked alongside Lily and built up SHIELD, and it was there that Marlene found her spouse. Marlene was ecstatic, of course, and Lily had helped to plan her wedding. When Lily had attended Marlene's funeral, she had delivered her eulogy of her, and had cried for her. She missed Marlene, and she was glad to have spent her life with a wonderful friend.

Benjy Fenwick had found his own love, Emmeline Vance. Lily had been shocked at first, as she expected Benjy to never have been able to settle down, due to his playboy personality. She found herself liking Emmeline, and hence Emmeline joined her and Marlene for a weekly tea, while Benjy worked hard on his gadgets. She cried when Benjy and Emmeline were ripped from her and Marlene due to a car accident, and left behind a child called Harry behind, to be left to his butler Rufus Scrimgeour to take care of. She and Marlene had took turns to godmother Harry, and had raised him to be a strong and independent boy.

Remus had left them ages ago. When he went for a mission and was sniped by the enemy. Lily, Marlene, and Benjy had mourned for him, and missed him immensely. They then vowed to set up SHIELD to get them back.

She had lost contact with the rest of the Howling Commandos, but she hoped that they had a happy life.

Lily _was_ sick.

Lily was so, very sick. She had rheumatism, and her organs were also starting to fail her, and she also had dementia too. What she did everyday was to stay in bed and read, and was brought meals by the helper her children had got her. She watched the news very rarely, and hence did not know that they had found 'Captain America' in the ice.

She was so sick, that she resigned from SHIELD a while back, and had tried to check on them through Nick Fury every once in a while but she couldn't remember most of the time, and had since forgotten about them ever since, and hence did not know that they had thawed 'Captain America' from the ice.

Lily _was_ ready.

Lily was ready for death to take her. She had just wanted to visit James' 'grave' once more, and she was ready.

Lily just wanted to see James one last time, and say goodbye to him, and she was ready.

Lily was glad she had accomplished many things in life, being a field agent, meeting her friends, and everything.

Lily _just_ needed to see James once more.

"Godmother Lily!" there was a knock on her door, and she instantly brightened up. Harry was here.

"Come in," she said in the loudest voice she could muster, but to Harry it sounded like a feeble croak, and it broke his heart. He knew she didn't have a long time left.

"Godmother Lily, I have someone I want you to meet," Harry begin, and pried the door open.

Lily had sat up, and was smiling softly at him, her wrinkles obvious.

"Who is it, Harry? Please don't tell me it's another one of your sleazy girls." Lily had wagged an annoyed finger at Harry, who laughed loudly.

"No, Godmother Lily. I think you'll like him this time," Harry smiled.

"Oh really? A him? You could've told me you were gay, Harry, I wouldn't have judged."

Harry shook his head at Lily, and smiled once more.

"Goodness, Godmother Lily, I'm not gay, it's just, I just think you might know this person."

Lily sat up straighter, and raised her eyebrows, before combing through her red (nearly all grey now) locks.

"Everyone I know is most probably gone now, you know? That's the drawbacks of being 98." Lily gave a dry chuckle, and heaved a feeble groan.

"Don't be ridiculous, Godmother Lily. I'll go get him now, and I'll leave you to talk with him."

"Wait a minute! Is he handsome?" Lily giggled, and Harry smiled gently at her.

"Insanely. I'm thinking he's just your type." Harry smirked, and he went out.

Lily gazed at the door blankly, when it opened once more.

She first caught his messy, disheveled black locks, then his hazel eyes, then his smirk, and then it all clicked for her.

"J-James?"

"Hello, Lily."

 **Like it? Don't like it? Leave a review, constructive criticism helps ! If u want a part two, leave a review ! And I'll do a sequel if it's wanted :D thanks for reading!**


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